This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
