It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
