my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How does one acquire holy water?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
