I am in a vortex of obligation.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
