Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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