She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
