There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
