I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
