ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
