I wish my penis had an off switch
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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