Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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