my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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