woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
