return my video game
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
