just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
