I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
