In the future we'll all be gay
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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