I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
