What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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