oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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