At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
