Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
