oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
