oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
