Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
