id be glad to
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
