Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
