i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize