Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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