dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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