i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
