Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
