her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my being single is dangerous.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
