what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
