I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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