Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
