Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
