I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize