I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
