Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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