i already hear my dad disowning me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
