I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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