Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
