After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
