we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
