I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
