I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
