She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize