We won't sleep together?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
