My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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