I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
