So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
