your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
