Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
