i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
its liver damage thursday
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