I don't think brook has ever known best
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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