carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i've created a new STD.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
