Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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