did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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