I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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